My collages

12.04.2026

But I'll reach the pole, even if it thunders
I'll only stop if I completely lose my pulse.

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I have a lot of feelings lately. Most of them are caused by recent news. My government is trying to completely ban telegram. It started as "slowing down", we noticed that media takes ages to load. Then they made a public statement that tg is used by terrorists and criminals, and it's dangerous. And now everyone should use their cool and modern and completely safe and confidential national messenger! The one that is now tracking your ip's and VPN status. You think that's it? Guess what! All big russian apps are now tracking your VPN status! Even your banking app! Want to order some food? This app is spying on you. Want to buy new pants on this popular marketplace? This app is spying on you. So you would never feel alone and safe! Everything you have, all your digital life can now collapse any moment! Wow!
Don't even ask me about "white lists", when nothing works except a few approved apps (that are spying on you). I'm not losing my access to my english video essays because of this and I will fight for my Dan and Phil videos.
This also has second, more personal version. With messages of me and my friends. They are filled with fear and anxiety, but also... Hope? I don't know, I'm not even sure it looks good (this version is perfect btw) and I don't really want to translate so much text. I'll just leave it like this.
Also wanted to mention the song where I stole those words from. It's Папин Олимпос "Трещины на асфальте". I'm really picky when it comes to russian songs, cause you know, I write poetry since I was 13. If I can write better - I'm not listening to it. Lyrics are a bit cringy? No, not listening, next. But this guys can release anything and I will love it. I guess my heart knows we are sharing one hometown. Anyway they are objectively good, trust me.

08.04.2026

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This one can get me arrested. The possibility of that is small but never zero.

08.03.2026

Meryl Streep is wearing Prada again
And for you I wish to:
Sing your favorite hits
See a premiere
Understand the Russian soul
Drink tea
Remember the classics
Read interesting books

Happy birthday

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That's for Felix's birthday. I love this guy, but god, he needs a bit less traumatic lore, I physically can't worry about him any more.

30.10.2025

(From top to bottom) LIGHT AND DARKNESS OF SHIT.
I think readers of SHIT don't need an explanation that there is no "bad" and "good" various mushrooms. Everyone has their own weak and strong teeth, their own AROMAS and tongues, determined by the location of shit. In the human soul there is a constant battle between light and darkness. Who wins this war depends only on eyes. Today we are gonna talk about the flaws of HANDS and learn how to turn them off.
THE END OF THE WORLD IS NEAR!

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What was the idea? Well, I had a fun time scrolling through weird magazines and I stumbled upon one named oracle. It is popularly known as a magazine for crazy people who believe in everything. And there was an article about a zodiac sign Aries. In russian it looks like овен. And when you change the form of a word to imply that you are talking about it - it changes to овна. You can guess that russian word for shit in this form looks almost the same, so I just had to add one more letter. Then I blacked out for a while and woke up with this monstrosity on my screen. Am I proud of this? I'm not sure.

09.10.2025

True art must be achieved through suffering
Kirengeshoma told me
But I'll take hibiscus
for poetry
And for a symphony - Armenian "reticule"

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This one has even less meaning. In russian it doesn't rhyme but has a rhythm. What is kirengeshoma? Some sort of a flower, it was a magazine about gardening. This work is nice and simple. That's it.

05.10.2025

I can't relax with y'all

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Finally, one that has minimum text. This was inspired by a group chat with a name that was mentioning this cartoon mole. There were nice people that I am friends with now, and there were people who are not quite safe. Long story short we have two group chats now. And even though this collage was made before "the split", it perfectly describes my feelings about the whole situation now. I'm glad I am not a part of any toxic environment anymore, I'm too soft for this.

01.07.2025

How to tell if you're on a BAD DATE
1. Panic attack
2. Fashionable holes
3. Mysterious "mind games"
4. Whips well and hits
5. Loose broccoli
6. The lump has gone away!

---

This is another fun one (I guess I'm in my silly era). I kind of forced my partner to make a collage with me. I was collecting weird phrases and got a bunch when I found the "bad date" one. It all came together. Another luck is two birds mating, this flower fits so well it's almost unbelievable that I'm the one who made it. Anyway, make sure you don't have a bad date! You don't want that loose broccoli!

19.01.2025

Text in purple says "happy birthday"

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Not much to say abot the card itself. But I can tell you about a person who recieved this on their birthday. It's my school friend, Dasha. She has a weird life. She transferred to my school in 10 class so we only had two years together. Wait, actually only one since she started to skip school in 11 class. Like, she has skipped a lot, she only really attended math and informatics because of exams. I have a picture of her after she rushed in a chemistry class, sat behind me, cried "I have 27 assignments" and laid her head on a table. So yeah, I hardly saw her that year. After school we moved to different cities, then she returned to our hometown, I moved to another-another city with my partner, and now she is in another cointry! Can't blame her, I would do the same if a drone fell in a building next to mine. She helped me in my worst times and I'm eternally gratefull. But also... I lived my school years with a thought that I will have to burn all the bridges, because that's what you do when you can't come out - you plan your future life and wait until this one finally ends. But Dasha only knew me as real me from the beginning and being friends with her always felt right. And I hope it will always be like this.

28.12.2024

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This is a new year card for my another dear friend, August. The closest friend I have. He's a great listener, amazing writer and the best fortnite player in our team of three. Unfortunately, his brain is a bit broken and sometimes he does things that scare me. He is strong. He will learn how to live with this. And until that I'll be there, reminding him that I care about him.

02.08.2024

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This one can get me arrested. The possibility of that is small but never zero.

17.05.2024

Stay here 'till I'm dead

---

I'm a huge ESC fan, that's one of the reasons I know english language at all. I've been watching it since 2014. Will I watch it in 2026, when I'm older and know all the political nuances? We'll see. I'm sure my partner will make me watch it anyway.

02.09.2023

Force yourself to eat black caviar!
The leash must be strong!

---

Wow, look at that timeskip! What happened between those two? Summer 2023 was... Pretty rough. I dropped out of university, my partner ran away from his husband and since that september we lived together in a terrible apartment full of cockroaches. You know what, I get it, that's understandable.

05.07.2023

"Mom loves not me"?
Take the rifle!
roll it in a tube
Don't use bookmark/stash (the same word in russian)
Learn how to remove the poison of three cigarettes
Take care of yourself

---

Like I said, it was a rough summer. The government was against me, my family was against me, my own health was against me. This was sort of a message to myself: don't harm yourself, no matter what's going on. I still think about it when I feel bad.

07.06.2023

A battle with a clean piece of paper

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I felt my mental health declining on the second year of university. I wasn't exactly stable before that, but at least I was functioning. Also I was creative, I was drawing, and making collages, and I was writing songs and poems. But then I stopped. I felt a massive artblock getting closer and closer and I was trying to fight it. I know now that this artblock was inevitable. At least I have few pics that still remember those parts of me that I have long forgotten. Not even because of time, but because of trauma. Really, can't remember anything, those years just disappeared.

05.06.2023

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Short trip to Moscow. That was wild. Me - stressed and terrified. He - not divorced yet but already in a relationship with me. The guy whose apartment it was - in a week before leaving the city to go home to Surgut, because he is terrified of his rich abusive drug addict 17 year old(?) boyfriend. Wild times. Don't miss 'em.

05.06.2023

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His photo on the background, mine frustration in text. Two things made in one day? Brother, I had a lot of feelings to express.

05.06.2023

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Once again, a photo made by my partner. It's actually three things in one day, wow.

27.05.2023

Let our house tremble
Don't think about bad things
We will find another one later

The message box says:
- don't know what we're gonna do if this won't work out
- wait, no need to panic

The song by "Dirt" is named "This summer will kill you"
A word on a package says "zoloft"

---

Oh boy, where do I start... The same summer, right? The photo itself is a view from my parents car. I don't remember where we were going, but it's certanly somewhere near my hometown. The woman with a sword? You might use it as a hint on where I'm from. The frog ring - that's easy, I was wearing it back then. You can spot a camera and a two-headed eagle kind of like projected on the sky. Zoloft is purely for the effect, no one of us was on medications at the moment. And a song? I asked my partner to send me a song that he associates with current circumstances. Now let's talk about the words. It's a song by Sirotkin, пусть дрожит наш дом. That's also simple - it gave me hope. I felt like even though everything is a mess right now and I'm in a bad place, I should keep going. And yes, we did find a new home. And we will find another if we will have too.

23.04.2023

From top to bottom, left to right:
"I'm punk I don't give a fuck"?
"Self-improvment through self-destruction"?
SPEAK PROPERLY
Borderline personality disorder

---

No, I don't have it. I was diagnosed, that's true, but I guess that specialist sort of likes to give this diagnosis to everyone. It is my assumption, but I do have reasons for it. But at the moment I believed I have it and I haven't recieved proper help and it made things a little bit worse. I don't think I even associate myself with this collage anymore. The collage that I made. To express my feelings through art. With pieces from my official paper. From a doctor who I paid to get help but never got it. Does it make sense?

20.04.2023

If the beauty of art
Is in the eyes of the one watching it
Then we are lying to each other
And everything is fake

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Where do I even start? That's a photo from a shop that sells stuff for homes. I made it in year 2020, covid time, exams, not seeing any friends. And the song... There was a guy, I was watching his youtube videos since I was 14, then he started his music career, and his first albums were fine. Now he is not writing songs about art and fantasies and other worlds anymore. He writes about drugs and mental problems, and I just stopped caring. Everything good changes with time. But my vision is still here and I still see the beauty. He was wrong, most things are not fake, you just need a courage to see them.

20.04.2023

A cold wind is blowing from the north
A blizzard awaits us

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The photo is from my partner, from the times when we were still living apart. The song is from the same artist as on the picture above. Not much to say here, it's just nice. It doesn't really have a meaning, it's a vibe.

08.02.2023

Gentlemen bachelors we are leaving

The words bachelors is written with a mistake, so it contains in itself a word бокал, a glass.

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We had this really annoying professor who used to talk a lot about his past achievments, how great China is and how he was invited there a few times, and how stupid we, students, are. He often reffered to us as "Gentelmen bachelors" (in russian it's considered gender neutral, I just can't find proper word in english) and I couldn't let this opportunity to make a joke to just go away.

14.10.2021

- No! Get out! Go away! Beat it! Get lost! Clear off! Leave! Go to hell!
- Any synonyms left?
There were a few seconds of silence, and then the owner of the house hesitantly suggested:
- Get hecked out. /no idea how to translate it/
- There's no such word.
- I don't care!

---

That's from my favorite book. Well, a book series. It's about adventures of Ulysses The Fox and his friends. Ulysses believes that he is the chosen one. Mostly because he had a dream. And he is a bit delusional. But he is actually chosen, and he is lead by the Destiny and in this moment he is on a quest to proof that he is a good candidate for the job. The job is to be a person who lives a very long life, but is not immortal, and who can look out for the whole town. Around him other animals can find the right way in life, become their true selves. And the quest is to find the tomb with the Saber-toothed treasures. This moment is from the second book. He is apart from his friends, alone, in snowy montains, is looking for a place to stay for a night. And he finds a destroyed village with a single house standing. The owner of the house is not really friendly. He is scared. He will let Ulysses to stay for a night, but he will try to rob him. Right after Ulysses figures that out they hear terrible noise and rush outside. The snow leopard, the owner of the house, is freaking out, he already knows what's going to happen. A giant iron animal shows up from the forest and demolishes the house. Later we will learn, that when citisens (or villagers) are mean to each other, distrust blooms and society is ruled by fear and anger - then come paper animals. They are a sign that something must change. If it doesn't then come the wooden animals. And at the end - iron animals. I look back now and notice all those "paper animals". I don't know how long it will take the iron ones to come, but it's a real world, there won't be a mythical creature with a flute that will lead us to safety.
And the photo - from a window of a train. The more time passes, the scarier it gets.

12.10.2021

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This collage expresses my feelings about doomscrolling. I'm fighting with this bad habit, but sometimes I just can't help when it's something that has even a minor possibility to harm my family. It's happening more and more often. But at least I dont read political subreddits anymore. Sort of a win, I guess.

02.10.2021

He has a really wrong understanding of life. Doesn't he know that schools only exsist so there would be a place to run away from?

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The same book series, yes, Ulisses The Fox. And a photo from a plane, but you can see that yourself. That was a time when a plane ticket could be cheaper than a train ticket, or at least cost the same. Now it's weird to even imagine that I used to travel between cities by plane and by train, miltuple times a year. Not only there is no purpose anymore, it's expensive and even dangerous. This new years eve (2026) my family spent without mobile internet because of drone hazard. This just doesn't even fit in my head. That's not how life was just five years ago. I need to remember this. This is normal, planes and safety. Not whatever is happening now.

23.09.2021

Signs of anxiety
A haircut in a neck area
Is it possible to protect the Earth?
Elbow hurts?

All around the picture quite distorted: "why"

---

Since I was a little kid I was scared of looking up. I get nauseous and feel like I'm gonna fall. It's not even about me being small and insignificant in this universe, no. My brain just looses any orienter and forgets everithing. I think if I'll look up long enough I might forget myself and dissolve completely. That's why this view gives me a sense of slight discomfort. That's why this collage exists.

22.09.2021

I'm a priveleged person.
I don't have to attend lectures.
last week I got expelled.

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Cat's Cradle - one of my favorite books. I was a bit surprised when i got really into Dovlatov's works and found out he and Kurt Vonnegut knew each other. I can't even imagine how they had conversations since Dovlatov haven't learn english while living in New York, but I guess they had a lot in common. But back then, in 2021 I didn't know about this. I was struggling. A lot. I had left my abusive famiily, but my mental health got even worse. I didn't know it's a part of healing, I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me and it will always be this way. I was not very far away from the truth, but I was looking in a wrong direction.
So, I was struggling. I was smoking 'till I get sick, I was drinking a lot and I didn't know how to care about myself. I was a human disaster. Present me would care about such kid, but such kid would never listen to present me. He was still coping with a thought that he did turned out 18, he's still alive and he has to do something about it because life will go on no matter how suicidal he is. I didn't have time to study. It's a surprise I even managed to hold on for that long. At that moment this picture was about something hypothetical. It will become real in two years though.

22.09.2021

- Actually when I heard your scream I got terribly scared.
- And you were worried?
- Yes, and I'm still woried about you. You all are my closest friends.
- We?
- You, Konstantin, Evgeniy...
- So, Konstantind and Evgeniy you say...
- Bertha, what's wrong?
-What's wrong, you say...
- We need to call our friends before the guests come! - He threw himself towards the phone.
- You are an unfeeling oak...
- What?

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Ulysses The Fox, once again. Books are great, but they have this huge malegaze problem. The only female character is in love with Ulysses, of course. But at the moment I didn't know the word malegaze, didn't realise it was such a huge problem and even more than that - I was in love with someone. The feeling wasn't mutual. I remember spending the whole evening liking every post in her blog, and then another one, unliking.
I saw an article recently. Scientist found out that sparrows in Russia are becoming obese. They've learned that if they hang out around fast food restaurants people will feed them. This photo was made near a Macdonald's restaurant in my hometown. Me and my friend were feeding sparrows with fry's.
I don't talk to that friend anymore, I don't feed sparrows with fry's, there's no Macdonald's in Russia anymore and I haven't visited my hometown for almost three years. I guess I wasn't even in love, I was just lonely.
I still love this pic. Very much. I will take it with me through everything. And after even more years and more changes I will look at it and remember what life used to feel like.

13.05.2021

I will always be there for you, you know this

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Actually, I was in love with two people, and second one is my partner now. And I always loved him like a sibling, a best friend, a soulmate, and I wanted to care about him and to help him with everything. I was in a friendzone but I stayed persistent. It's not something an adult person respecting others bondaries should do and I'm not saying that's a good idea. I'm just saying it worked out for us.

12.03.2021

My home is a slice of time
And I will never go back

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Oh, we are in the beggining of my "collagist career". I was homesick like crazy. I was talking about missing my home, my friends, my town. The food and the wind. New city felt wrong, even the weather was weird. I remember going out one day and suddenly feeling like home. Turned out it was just windy that day. I wish I could go back, I loved living there.

11.03.2021

A centipede in my mouth

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I had a nightmare. I had a lot of them. Usualy I have nightmares about school or some form of an apocalipse. The insect ones are the worst. If one day I forget what it felt like when I was 18 years old, this picture will remind me. Yeah, a centipede in my mouth. That's pretty accurate.

07.03.2021

Life as a sickness
Nicotine as a cure

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I was so proud of this one. It has a character. Do I even need to explain what I've put in it?

06.03.2021

- Winter blues?
- It's not like I want to kill myself, but I can't get rid of this hope that one day I just won't wake up.

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I consider this one of my best works. It's not someone's quote, I didn't hear this phrase in a song, nothing like that. If you are an artistic person you must know this feeling: words are already there, and you have found them. You don't create it, you are a messenger between the universum and the world of humans.

05.03.2021

I don't like to bond

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I'm not sure about this memory, but I think I just woke up with this. This is actually the second collage in this collection. There were other work, I exsisted before 2021, I just wasn't making collages on my laptop.

01.03.2021

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Bo Burnham was one of the first creators who changed the world for me. As I was growing up, rewatching his shows and improving my english I was opening even more meanings. It's not really a surprise it's the first collage in this collection. That's when I started doing them as a hobby and I haven't stopped since. I should probably go make another one.